So as you know, if you read this blog regularly, I spend
almost as much time in the good ol’ US of A as I do in my homeland of Down
Under. This is through work, but also through my belief that you could spend a
year in America and still not see it all, or have seen it properly, so I just
keep going there on holidays whenever I have a chance. To date I have been to
fifteen states, and while that sounds like a lot, it’s really not when you
realise there are 35 more to see! But I’m working on it.
Anyways, since spending so much time in America, there are a
few things I have found perplexing about this magnificent country. Some things
I find truly confusing, weird, unnecessary or down right strange, so here is
the definitive list of things I don’t understand about America (and just so you
don’t want to go and blow your brains out after reading this, let me assure you
it will today be devoid of any references to gun control, free healthcare and
lower tertiary education fees. Maybe I’ll write about that another time…or
maybe I won’t in case Jodhi Meares-like devotee’s jump all over me again).
Why is your cheese
orange? And why are there so many different types, and why do they almost
all taste exactly the same (and nothing like cheese in Australia tastes)?
Why do you let dogs
stay in hotel rooms? And why must you bring them onto aeroplanes, into
clothing stores and into shopping centres? It’s unhygienic and gross, and
unless it’s a service animal I really don’t think it belongs there.
Why are you obsessed
with drying your clothes in a tumble drier? Why can’t you just hang them on
a clothesline in the sun?
Why does your
chocolate taste terrible? (Cadbury and Lindt > Hersheys by a
miiiiiiillllleeeee)
Why do you buy so
much bottled water? Every time I go to Vons or Walmart or Target every
single person is wheeling out a trolley full of 64 pack single serve bottles of
water. You know you can refill the one water bottle you have right? Or just
keep a jug in the fridge and fill up a cup from it anytime you are thirsty
right?
Why are all your
national monuments and select national parks free entry and why hasn’t this
brilliant idea been adopted in other countries in the world?
Why do you wear foam platform
thongs/flip flops? And why do you think these are fashionable? They are
hideous. Haven’t you seen how the rest of the world wears Havaianas? Your
platform flip-flops make you look like you belong on the set of a 1998 teen
movie.
Why have you not
abolished the use of drive through ATMs as a tiny way of perhaps helping the
obesity cause? Every time I see a drive through ATM I feel like I’m looking
at the definition of laziness.
Why do you say carmel
instead of caramel? Is this just certain people’s accents gone whacko?
Also, why do you say
kabob? It sounds so strange.
Why are there so many
places that offer to cash cheques for you? Why can’t you just go into a
bank and do it there? Why do you need a third party to do it for you? Why is it
easier to go into one of these dodgy looking shop set ups on most city streets
than to just go into your local bank branch? Do these dodgy looking places give
you the money immediately and the bank makes you wait or something? (and PS…why
do you even still have cheques?)
Whose idea was it to
make cinnamon flavoured chewing gum? No…just no.
Why do your Subway
stores not have carrot to put on my sub?
Why are you still pre
metric? It seems like you are literally the last country on earth to use Fahrenheit,
inches and pounds.
Why do you call
capsicum ‘peppers’? The first time I heard of this I imagined a hot, spicy,
chilli type vegetable, when in fact it was just a green capsicum – possibly the
most unspicy, unpeppery thing there is.
Why is your Mexican
food so good and so readily available? And why has this trend not yet
reached Australian shores?
Why do you omit the
word ‘of’ all the time? “He’s been in Texas a couple months” Is it
laziness?
Why haven’t you got
rid of tipping yet? It is such a pain in the ass. Example: my taxi fare is
$35, and I give the taxi driver a $50 note. He then gives me back $15 and then
I have to give him a few dollars of that fifteen back as a tip. ARGH SO MUCH
TOO-ING AND FRO-ING. Not to mention the poor man who drives our crew buses to
and from the airport who not only has to load 21 crew member’s numerous pieces
of luggage into the back of the bus but has to stop 21 times in the middle of
it all to accept each crew members tip they give in way of thanks. Why can’t
his company just pay him what he deserves?
Why do you still have
pennies? I got back from a recent double banger of two trips in 10 days to
LA for work and emptied out my wallet onto the bed when I finally got home and
counted no less than 28 pennies in my pile of change *pulls hair out* I know I
could put these all in a tip jar, but even though they’re annoying, they’re
still money to me and I am too tight with and worry too much about money to
even give 1c away when I could painstakingly count out fifty cents worth of
pennies and hand it to a cashier at the local In’N’Out. But still, they’re a
pain in the butt (but I’ll keep them anyway – like I said, money’s money.)
Why are you obsessed
with eating turkey? And why do you so often put turkey in something when it
should definitely be chicken? Like in a club sandwich? A club sandwich should
definitely be bacon and chicken, not bacon and turkey!
Why do you not find
cheese in a can gross? For reals, why?
Why is maple syrup
bacon a thing and why do you offer to put it on my hamburger?
Why do so many people
buy peeled baby carrots that are in containers with hummus or by themselves at
the supermarket? These carrots look drier than the skin on my hands after
I’ve been working in the galley on a 16 hour Dallas to Sydney flight.
Despite all these weird and perplexing things, I still love
you America, and can never get enough of visiting you. I love your friendly
people, your amazing array of food (pre-packaged baby carrots aside), your
breath taking landscapes, your top notch museums and your sick theme parks!
What do you find weird about countries you’ve visited? Leave
me a comment and let me know!
Jorgs
Ooh I have a few 'answers'
ReplyDeleteRE the bottled water: when we lived in the US our county's tap water tasted so bad, like dirt-water-with-chemicals-in-it bad. We bought the 10L fridge packs of spring water and would never drink the tap water.
Why do you call capsicum ‘peppers’? - actually I think they are from the 'pepper' family along with chillies, they might be right on this one...
OMG isn't Mexican food in the US amazing? All the Mex takeaways and restaurants in AUS have NOTHING on any single one of the Mexican joints in the US. Our favourite was a local place which looked like it should have been shut down by the health dept. The most tasty food I have ever had! Oh I miss it!!
Turkey tastes good but I would prefer if they just said it was chicken. Turkeys as an animal are awful looking and I don't want to think about eating them hahaha
And maple syrup bacon is delicious... cafes here have it and it is so good! You should partake :)
Another answer, this time on the chocolate front:
ReplyDeleteThe story goes when Mr Hershey was starting his chocolate business he received a delivery of sour milk but with things being tight he decided to proceed anyway. The end product sold, probably because the public didn't know what proper chocolate tasted like at that stage (yes I said it) and a whole nation grew up appreciating the taste of chocolate made from expired milk. This story was told to my by the Chocolate Story in York so it isn't exactly independent but it makes sense.
On the "weird things from other countries" as an Aussie visiting Ireland, the amount of security when topping up ATMs. Obviously it's all there for a reason but I find it strange to see a squad of assault-rifle wielding troops in yea olde town square.
......drive through ATMs? .....really? ....WHY??!!! (also, you need to teach me how to tip - what are your tips for tipping in the US?? :-D)
ReplyDeleteleese