Bronze me up Hawko! A JBronze self tanner review

Something new and interesting today – and totally different – dear readers! A product review! None of that travel nonsense and Christmas hoo ha I normally write about. Nope, today I’m going to be extra white girl trashtastic and blog about fake tan.

So I haven’t used fake tan many times in my life. Maybe…five times. At the most. This was all mostly when I was at university and you know, concentrating on anything apart from my studies. Despite this relative inexperience I have miraculously never come away with fake tan hands (it just makes sense to scrub the shit out of your hands after applying fake tan doesn’t it?) or dreadful fake tan marks around my ankles or elbows.

Anyway, as is like, a must, for women’s magazines at this time of year, I recently came across an article titled ‘A beginner girl’s guide to becoming a bronzed goddess’. It detailed every, well, detail, about the art of fake tanning, from exfoliating to tanning gloves to the vast array of products on the market.

One of the products featured was this great stuff the magazine recommended by Le Tan that saw your bronze-ness develop in just 30 minutes. I snapped a pic of it on my iphone, intrigued, and kept it there for about two weeks to remind myself next time I was at the shops to perhaps pick up a bottle and that this was the bottle to try.

So Sunday morning I’m at Claremont Quarter amongst the wealthy Perth set who must cry over the fact that they can’t do their food shopping at QC’s David Jones because the store doesn’t have a foodhall, when I popped into a chemist to peruse the perfume to see how many I couldn’t afford (spoiler alert: all of them). Determined to spend my hard earned flight attendant dollars on something – anything - I went into the fake tan aisle and had a squiz.

The Le Tan I’d had my heart set on was not there, and when I later saw it in Coles it said it was of the wash off variety, which I didn’t want (no one day wonder tanners ploise!), so I went back to the chemist and because it was 25% off I decided to give JBronze, by Jennifer Hawkins a go. And since it was right next to it, I also picked up a Bondi Sands tanning glove.

Now I’ll be the first to admit I can be terrible sometimes and buy beauty products and then take forever to get around to using them. So when Sunday night passed and I got out of the shower and couldn’t be bothered doing a whole fake tanning routine I thought ‘right, Monday night I am definitely doing this. I paid $26 for this bottle and $10 for this glove and dammit I am going to use them!’

So tonight I got down to business. At the forefront of my mind was an episode from the most recent series of Australia’s Next Top Model when the girls got given a truckload of JBronze out of the kindness of Hawko’s heart and had to lather themselves from top to toe and do a photo shoot on the beach. Of course they looked like bronzed goddesses and applied it expertly and I was like, super jealous of their skill. With this thought in mind, I slipped that glove on and got to work. Since I had bypassed buying the fake tan applicator for your back when I was at the chemist, I decided, so as to not make a mess of an already precarious job, to just tan my legs and see how I went.

So anyway before I go on we should all talk about how you should never buy another tanning glove again – just buy the Bondi Sands one. It is top notch. Considering the only other tanning gloves I’ve had in my life have been ones I’ve gotten for free with magazine subscriptions or as part of a Royal Show showbag, I was quite pleased that when I actually paid physical money for this one it turned out to be worth shelling out for (as opposed to there being a very good reason all those other ones I’d had were free).

So, the facts. I used JBronze by Jennifer Hawkins Tanning Mousse in Medium. I decided to start small and go with the medium rather than the dark. I wanted bronzed goddess, not chocolate Easter egg. I feel this was a smart decision. The bottle is only 150ml, which seems like a lot, but because it’s liquid and comes out as a mousse, I feel like I used a lot, and upon closer inspection of the bottle realised I’ve already used a quarter of the stuff and I only used it on my legs and a little of my mid section. So, since some girls apply their fake tan every few days, or perhaps once a week, this already pricier than all the others fake tan just got pricierer.

Still, on with the show. I know I don’t have a lot of experience at fake tanning, as stated already, but I can easily say I was happy with this one. I chose mousse over spray too, as I can only imagine my Mum’s face if I got some spray tan on the bathroom tiles or her towels. Plus a mousse seemed less scary for the amateur that I am.

It was quite easy to apply, and I felt like I was doing an all right job thanks to that awesome glove I also bought, and this stuff even smelt all right too. Not your typical fake tan smell, just a slight coconutty tropical scent. The bottle states the tan includes green tea, aloe vera and walnut extracts, so perhaps that was why I was floating off to Hawaii a little as I applied/daydreamed.

Since the bottle said to wait at least four hours before showering, I assumed that was how long it took to properly develop. I am now on hour three as I write this and I’m pretty happy so far. No streaks, and no obviously fake look to my legs. The colour is subtle – like just enough for someone to notice and say ‘you look like you’ve caught some sun lately’ in a slightly envious way. It’s not so bronzed that it’s blatantly obvious you have got your brown out of a bottle. I am very interested to see how my legs look when I wake up tomorrow. Hopefully even better! If not, I am considering doing a second application tomorrow night, just to see what affect it has (and because I wear black stockings to work and nobody will be able to see if I make a Hawaiian Tropic mess of it all).

And on that note, let me tell you, I will never be buying the face tanner. Fake tanning my face is just way too scary. One day I’d like to work up the courage and get a spray tan done by a professional, but until then I’ll happily stick my hand up and say Hawko’s was the best at home experience I've had, even now, when it’s not fully developed on my fat legs yet. I guess, at least in this instance, higher price = greater quality! I'll admit, when I first heard about this line of hers I was quite sceptical, thinking 'oh it's just another celebrity putting their name to something' and not really having any input or caring about the quality of the product. But I actually really don't think this is the case with JBronze. It seems like a legit tanning product of high quality. You can't help but feel the supermodel probably has much experience in this field given her 10+ years of modelling and probably wearing fake tan more days than she doesn't, and it shows in this product she has created. Give it shot bronzed wannabe babes!

Australia’s Next Top Model, here I come!

Your bronzed goddess,

Jorgs

For more info, and to see the full range, head to www.jbronze.com.au/products/medium-tanning-mousse

*This blog was not a paid endorsement

Leisel Jones: Body Lengths – A Review

Late September, 2000. Sydney Aquatic Centre, Homebush. A 15 year old Queenslander wins an Olympic silver medal in the breaststroke and suddenly everyone in Australia – perhaps the world - knows that girl Leisel Jones.

I remember with striking detail this victory of Leisel’s. Mostly because I could scarcely believe someone just a year older than myself at the time was swimming at the Olympics and had just become enormously famous because she’d won a medal.

If you’ve read my past entries you’ll know I’m a bit of an Olympic nut, and that too is part of the reason I remember Leisel winning that day. I can recall most of the Australian medal winners and their events from those Games actually. I can even recall some of the lines spoken by Bruce McAvaney and Dennis Cometti in their commentary of these wins (“Jumping Jai it’s time to fly!” anybody?). If that doesn’t tell you I’m a passionate Aussie who loves getting into the Olympics then I don’t know what does.

Fifteen years later and during a layover at Brisbane airport after a fun five days in Cairns with a girlfriend of mine, I headed eagerly to the closest WH Smith, because I knew Leisel Jones’ book had just come out. A sporting biography of a great Australian? You didn’t have to ask me twice to read it.

 

 

And now, three months after I bought the book and devoured it over the course of less than two weeks, I am sitting on a plane, blessed to be seated in business class, but raucously tired after just having crewed a 16 hour flight from Dallas. I am on my way home to Perth, gratefully, and when I stepped on board and saw the lie flat beds in business I felt instant happiness (even more happiness than I already feel at the end of a Dallas to Sydney sector I’ve just worked) and couldn’t wait to lie my head down and have a snooze all the way home.

But alas, my neighbour seated next to me had the same plans, and just as I nodded off so did he, and his loud snoring way too close to my ear began. And the thought came to my mind that if I couldn’t be sleeping right now (which I definitely cannot with that racket!) I only wished to be caught up in a book like Body Lengths, by Leisel Jones.

Straight off the blocks (ha ha get it?) Body Lengths is bloody good. Let that be all the recommendation you need to go out and get yourself a copy this Christmas. It would be the perfect companion for lazy late December and early January days in the sun by the pool as you slowly digest your Christmas lunch and all that champers.

A friend of mine read Body Lengths before me, finishing it in just a few days, and she warned me that Leisel names names in this book and that the fact she did that made it even more awesome. I kind of shrugged it off, remembering my Dad telling me about how a few Christmases ago he was given Molly Meldrum’s biography and spent the whole time trying to guess who Molly was referring to in each chapter, because Molly annoyingly (although perhaps couldn’t legally) did not name and shame all the characters that had made up his life and its stories. I too experienced this when reading all of Roxy Jacenko’s books – though they were ‘fiction’ they so obviously contained characters that were 100% real people in Roxy’s real life that she had dealt with, just with their names changed (and sometimes not even changed that much – example: pretty sure the character of Belle Single, a bikini model from the Shire was definitely Lara Bingle). They were so closely based on people I knew I knew, that the whole time their real life names were on the tip of my tongue, but frustratingly, I could never quite pin point them for sure. I had what I am pretty sure were very good, close guesses of who they were, but I just wanted Roxy (or perhaps some speculation on an internet forum from other frustrated and intrigued readers) to tell me if that character actually was Lara Bingle or Ros Reines or Shane Watson. I know my Dad felt the same about Molly’s tome.

Anyway, I expected much the same from Leisel Jones. Surely one would have some fun telling her readers all the horrible or ridiculous or crazy times she had with teammates and celebs throughout her life but would never actually print their names.

Oh but Leisel does. Instant brownie points from me for that babe! This book just got whole lot more interesting. I am still shocked to the extent with which she named names actually, even now after having finished the book – Leisel doesn’t hold back, and I do wonder if those explicitly written about have now stopped talking to her or no longer consider her a friend because they were publicly shamed within the pages of Body Lengths.

But damn, it makes for great reading. Who would’ve thought you’d ever read about how Kieran Perkins, a swimmer with surely as nationally a recognisable name as Dawn Fraser, had barked at and  ferociously denied kid swimmer Leisel when she shyly asked for him to autograph her swimming cap at a comp?

Who would’ve thought Stephanie Rice could be written about so beautifully by Leisel, describing how welcoming the fellow Queensland swimmer was when Leisel joined her swimming club and then flipped completely over and written about so damningly, making you only sympathise with Leisel, when Rice began spreading rumours and bad mouthing an out of form, struggling Jones.

But written about it all is, plus so much more. Leisel’s spray at the alpha males of the Australian swim team – James Magnussen and Eamon Sullivan to name just a few – is epic and lengthy. But rightly so when these guys practically bought the proud Dolphins squad to their embarrassed knees, not a single gold medal won by the men in London 2012 and stuck so deep in a bullying culture within the team that it has taken years of work since London and the help of a new leader in John Bertrand of Australia II fame, to bring the team back to its former glory that Australia can once again get behind and feel so proud of.

Every coach she has ever swum under also gets a no holds barred description in Body Lengths – a fascinating insight really into the way elite sporting coaches work and how extraordinarily different they can be from local, small time coaches, such as Leisel’s first, who coached his little team in a backyard pool and rewarded them with Mars Bars and fun Friday night competitions where the whole family and a barbeque was always part of the deal.

But perhaps what a lot of readers of Body Lengths will be eager to read about when they first open up this page turner, is if Leisel writes anything about the drug culture entrenched in the Dolphins post 2008. You won’t be disappointed. She does. And it’s not an outsider looking in review of the ugly situation – oh no, Leisel makes no attempts to hide the fact that she too took Stilnox, that she too felt crazy on it, that it too lead her to devastating lows and serious mental health issues. You cannot put this book down.

A few weeks before Body Lengths was released I read an excerpt in The Australian – a small part of a chapter, but probably the most powerful in the entire book. A scene taking you into one of the swimmer’s lowest points, where she had formulated a plan to steal a knife from the hotel kitchen where she was staying for a training camp, and knew exactly where and how deep she would draw it across her wrists and thighs to ensure she died that day in the en suite bathroom in her hotel room. Her descriptions were so vivid – even in that excerpt, where I had read nothing else of her book, where I knew no back story apart from what I had read in the media and seen on TV ever since that day in 2000 at Homebush (which, let’s face it, until you read someone’s autobiography you don’t really realise how little you knew about them) – and so hauntingly sad that I felt like I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub beside her, yet invisible to her in her sadness, unable to stop her from ending her life.

When I got to that chapter in the actual book it was frightening – frightening to read everything that lead up to that moment, caused that moment, made her want to get a knife in that moment.

I suppose many might read Body Lengths and just shake their heads and feel their previous feelings only reinforced that Leisel Jones is just a bit of a typical selfish, only child, high achieving swimmer who is a stubborn perfectionist to the bitter end. And certainly I had flickers of that when reading the book. But they are overcome quite easily when you read everything else you didn’t know about Leisel Jones, the former teenage wonder kid. How she was paying the mortgage for her and her mother with the money she got from winning swim meets. How she fought so hard against the all too common crushing come down when elite athletes retire from their sport. How she fell in love with a sport and a team that she will remain immensely proud to have been a part of for the rest of her life.

Read Body Lengths because it isn’t some sugar coated, 99% ghost written account of a one hit wonder athlete. It’s a gritty, ugly, fascinating, no holding back account of life from backyard swimmer in suburban Brisbane to four time Olympian – something no other Australian Olympic swimmer can claim as their title.

Hats off to you Leisel Jones, for telling it like it is.

Your sporting biography lover,

Jorgs

 

 

That time I went to...Seattle, Washington

“But it rains nine months of the year in Seattle” – Sleepless in Seattle

This line from one of my favourite movies was the first thing that popped into my head when I touched down at Seattle-Tacoma Airport in Seattle, Washington just a few weeks ago. It was early November – by no means fun and frivolous summer time anymore – but I had not expected it to be so foggy and cloudy that I couldn’t see the other planes on the tarmac. My heart sunk. Was Seattle going to live up to its usual reputation as spoken by the characters in Sleepless in Seattle? Would I be rained and fogged out of seeing any attractions?

I have wanted to go to Seattle since…forever. Well, since I first saw Sleepless in Seattle on television and developed a bit of a love for romantic comedies and Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. And then when I became a flight attendant five years ago and learnt that Boeing planes are made in Seattle – I knew I needed to visit one day.

Finally that time came during another of my Dallas trips for work. My ever faithful Southwest delivered me to Washington from Texas on an almost empty plane and I salivated over the epic views of the Colorado mountains as we flew. Then I salivated even more when I got what could not be a more birds eye view of Mount Rainier as we flew into Washington. I could not believe what I was seeing – it was spectacular. So spectacular I wasn’t quite sure what I was seeing was real. Just check out this picture I took!

 

 

Regular readers of my blog know that a city has won my heart before I’ve even left the airport grounds if it has a train station connected to it. And bingo – Seattle does! Just a couple of bucks and thirty minutes later I was getting off the train in downtown Seattle. It could not have been simpler! And as I walked out onto the street from the station I was greeted with blue sky and sunshine…the fogginess was gone! Thank goodness.

A relatively simple grid system of streets downtown makes it easy to find your way around Seattle, and if you still have trouble finding your way around, just pop into a Starbucks and use the free wifi to fire up your iphone google maps. A Starbucks will not be hard to find, believe me – Seattle is the birthplace of Starbucks and I am not joking when I tell you they are on practically every corner. Sometimes there are two on one block! They are coffee loving people these Washingtonians! I took advantage of this coffee culture and did not feel bad about having two or three pumpkin spice lattes a day whilst I was there!

 

 

 

 

 

If you can get in the door for all the
tourists keen for a look, this is the
original Starbucks!

 

My first port of call on my little Pacific Northwest adventure was Pike Place Market. This 100+ year old public farmers market is set over many blocks right on Elliot Bay and is an explosion to the senses as you wander through it. Turn your head one way and there’s fish being thrown around by fishmongers, turn it the other and local artisans are selling leather goods and paintings. You can also buy fresh flowers, more than enough types of food, souvenirs and of course, coffee. I didn’t buy anything, just because I wasn’t in a shopping mood, but that was ok – it was a treat enough just to wonder through the market and just take it all in.

A brisk 20 minute walk away from the market was the Seattle Space Needle. The needle is a beacon of the Seattle skyline and something many people recognise as a landmark of the city even if they haven’t been there. Kind of like how everyone knows the Eiffel Tower is in Paris.

 

 

As I walked up to the ticket window and only had to wait for one person to be served in front of me, I silently congratulated myself for visiting in the low season when crowds were minimal because of the chilly weather. Adult admission into the needle costs $22 (seniors $19, kids $13), which includes access to the observation deck for as long as you like. A quick elevator ride will shoot you right up to the deck and the views are pretty spectacular, even on a not very sunny day, like the one I went on. You can have your picture taken up there, look through the binoculars outside on the viewing deck, sit and have a coffee and look at the amazing view, even make use of the interactive exhibit which allows you to digitally write where you are visiting the needle from.

 

 

The views from the observation deck are nothing short of spectacular. The cityscape rolls out before you on one side, the water of Elliot Bay on the other. Spectacular Mt Rainier looms in the distance, impressively massive and snow covered. Any way you turn, the view from the top of the Space Needle is worthy of taking a picture, trust me!

Next day, the aviation geek in me knew I couldn’t leave Seattle without visiting the birthplace of Boeing aircraft. So I hopped in an Uber and drove out to Everett, about 30-40 minutes from downtown Seattle, where the Boeing factory resides. Here the Future of Flight museum is within the grounds too, so I was pretty much in aeroplane heaven.

I arrived just in time to do the Boeing Factory tour ($18 entry, 1.5 hours long), which takes you inside the factory where many different types of Boeings are assembled. The sheer size of the place is impressive enough as it is, but then you get inside and see the squillions of parts that all go into assembling an aeroplane. Even for a person who really has no interest in aviation it’s pretty cool. Your guide will enthral you with many facts about Boeing, what it does every day to pump out at minimum five aeroplanes a week and more than a few cheeky jokes about how apparently Boeing is better than Airbus.

Side note: you can’t take any cameras or phones or bags or wallets or anything loose on the tour just in case it drops down from the viewing platforms and onto the factory floor. Apparently once someone dropped their phone and it hit a wing and it cost three million dollars to repair it. So…lockers are available so you can stash your stuff and ensure you don’t get a million dollar bill in the mail from Boeing.

Attached to the Boeing hoopla is the Future of Flight museum mentioned earlier. Stand beside a 747 engine and feel dwarfed by its size. Explore galleys and cockpits and passenger seats used in yesteryear or simply just marvel at the many aircrafts hanging from the ceiling.

 

 

 

After getting my av geek on all morning it was then time for me to head back to Dallas unfortunately. I wish I could’ve stayed longer and explored more of the cities attractions – there are so many more – and definitely headed into some of the natural areas of the city to perhaps do some walks or hikes and get amongst the beautiful evergreen forests of Washington state. That is one of the lasting impressions I have of Seattle that will never fade – because of those nine months worth of rain a year Washington is SO GREEN. I have never, ever seen a place so green! It was stunning. Of course it probably helped that it was fall when I was there, so the leaves were just starting to change colour, which made it even more spectacular, but even if it hadn’t been I would still have been floored by the beauty of the flora in this great American state.

Visit Seattle to mix it up on your travels from the usual triangle of New York – Los Angeles – Las Vegas cliché. Trust me, it’ll be worth the visit. Just take your gloves and scarf if you’re going after September! I was the luckiest person ever to not experience any rain during my day and a half in Seattle, but I am sure that was just a fluke, so pack your poncho and umbrella if you ever visit too!

Until the next adventure…

Jorgs