Howdy readers! So that whole promise that I would blog
plenty between my last entry and when I left for Asia never ended up eventuating.
Sorry about that! I have been working so hard, and hardly home at all, so I
certainly haven’t had time to blog unfortunately! But I have had so many ideas
for future posts, so my phone is full of blog ideas that I will get onto ASAP.
But for now, since my last ‘how to make your flight
attendant not hate you’ post was so popular, I thought I would do a follow up.
Believe me, there are plenty more ways to ensure we don’t hate you! I think I’ve
been a bit grouchy the last week or two because I’ve been working so much and
really hanging out for my holiday, so sooooo many new ways to not annoy your
flight attendant have popped into my head, and I’ve been writing them down in
my phone and on random scraps of paper that I keep finding floating around in
my suitcase.
So without further ado…
Don’t just walk blindly into the first class galley or first
class cabin at any point during your flight. Do you walk into a restaurant’s kitchen
whenever you like when you go out for a meal? No. So don’t walk into first
class like you own the joint. You’re not allowed up there. If you want to go
into first class you buy yourself a $20,000 ticket and then we will let you up
there. That’s what the people in first have done, so they are allowed the
privilege. You on the other hand, have not.
Don’t stand an inch behind me while I am in the aisle with
the meal cart and you want to go to the toilet, breathing over my shoulder and
boring holes into my back with your eyes. If we are only half way down the
aisle we are not going to move down for you. Time your bathroom trip to not coincide
with the cart being out. It’s not very hard. During a 14 hour flight the cart
is only out for about 4-6 hours and most of that time it’s nowhere near your
seat or the toilet. If you stand right behind me you make it VERY hard for me
to bend down and get stuff out of/put back into my cart. Just stand out of the
way, or even better, stay in your seat until the cart is back in the galley. We
really appreciate it.
Don’t read broadsheet newspapers on aeroplanes. Especially
on tiny aeroplanes of fifty seats or less. It will take up all the remaining
precious spare space there is left on board and your seatmates will also get a
bit annoyed at you. Save your Weekend Australian or your Sydney Morning Herald for
the kitchen table at home please. They weren’t made to read on planes. They’re
just too damn big.
Don’t be a douche and tell the person in front of you that
you don’t want them to/they can’t/they’re not allowed to recline their seat.
They have every right to recline all they like. As do you. Be considerate and
polite. Similarly, if you are reclining your seat, don’t be a douche again and
recline it too far, especially if there is a larger person in the seat behind
you, or a parent with a child. It makes life very hard for them (and it is hard
enough travelling with kids without someone squishing you and your baby into
your tiny economy seat and making it impossible to get out because the seat in
front is reclined way too far back). If the situation was reversed you would be
cursing that person in front of you too. Just think about that.
Remember to pack your brain when you go on holidays. It’s
not that hard to open a toilet door. Seriously. Just switch your brain on and
look at it. There’s a handle RIGHT THERE, or a sign that says ‘push’ RIGHT IN
FRONT OF YOU. It’s no harder than a public toilet in an office or a shopping
centre. And no, that ashtray on the wall, that’s nowhere near the toilet door
handle at all, does NOT open the toilet door.
Don’t be stupid and joke about the over wing exits or
pretend to open them. We do not appreciate questions like ‘what would happen if
I opened it right now?’. You REALLY aren’t proving that you’re worthy of sitting
in such a privileged, responsibility laden seat.
Why does the floor at your feet need to be clear when you’re
sitting at an exit or bulkhead row? Because ain’t no one want to die during an
evacuation because you left your stinky shoes on the floor and they tripped
over them as they tried to get out of a burning aircraft, that’s why. Ditto
with pillows, blankets and headsets. And yes, even that tiny bag you think you’ve
expertly hidden between the back of your feet and the lifejacket. I can still
see it, and I will still ask you to keep it in your lap or put it in the
overhead locker. Nothing on the floor means NOTHING ON THE FLOOR.
Don’t expect crew members to be teachers breaking up
playground fights. You’re adults, act like it and sort it out yourself. I once
had a man in 33F ask me (not quietly) if I could tell his seat mates in 33E and
33D (who he had turned his back to) to talk more quietly because he was trying
to sleep. Are you kidding me? Ask them yourself! What are you? Five?
Similarly with people bringing their seats upright during meal
services. Why do you suddenly lose your voice when this time comes? You can ask
them to put it up yourself instead of waiting until your flight attendant is
standing right next to the both of you and silently mouthing and motioning with
sign language asking me to ask the person sitting in front of you to put their
seat up. Most people will happily oblige if you ask them politely yourself –
don’t be afraid folks! Especially if you ask them nicely and state that you
only want them to bring it up while you’re eating your meal at least. Not much
to ask really.
And my biggest annoyance I have saved for last. One thing we
really hate, is when people change seats before take off. We have made an
announcement over the PA about not moving seats before take off. We’ve just
told you face to face when you came up to me and asked to switch. Don’t then still
go and do it anyway. I’m pretty sure that your family would be pretty
distraught if the aircraft crashed and no one could identify who the hell you
are or if you were even on board at all because you weren’t sitting in your
ticketed seat before take off. And don’t change seats as soon as my back is
turned. I see everything. Don’t underestimate how well flight attendants know
every single square inch of the aircraft they work on every day. If someone was
sitting in 67B two minutes ago and now isn’t, I WILL NOTICE and I will scan the
aircraft and I will find you again, and send you packing right back to 67B and
ask you to stay there until after take off. I understand middle seats are
uncomfortable. I understand some people don’t like being squashed into a window
seat for a long haul flight. I understand it’s annoying to be separated from
your family. But for the love of god, just wait until after take off. Then you
can play musical chairs all you like. So many things can be sorted after take
off – you just have to wait.
Happy flying!
Your friendly trolley dolly,
Jorgs
